GriefSPEAK: Faith conquers all, including grief – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias, contributing writer on grief and grieving

My son JoJo died 7 years ago from an accidental overdose. How do you measure a year? 525,600 minutes? How can it be 7 years without him? Three million, six hundred seventy-nine thousand two hundred minutes? Counting those minutes is difficult. I’m sure you understand. Two thousand five hundred fifty-six days. Yet, God has given me the strength each of those days, each of those minutes, to dedicate to the girls at TCRI.

Save the lives of our girls. Love them back to life. I wish I could do the same for JoJo. If at his birth, God put my first-born son in my arms and said, “Deb, he is yours, but I will need him back in 36 years. Do you still want him?” My response would be a resounding “YES, of course!”. I was blessed to have JoJo in my life and still blessed in his death. He has sent me signs and I often speak to him. When I received a letter from JoJo (inspired and penned by Andrew Cohen), I knew JoJo was sending a specific message to me through Andrew.

Dear Mom,

I don’t know how you do it.  I want you to know that when you and my brothers and Glooby lost Dad, Dad was with me, comforting all of you. That subtle wind, the creak in the stairs, in your dreams: that was us letting you know we’re with you. We are so proud and in awe of you. Your fighting spirit and faith in God in the face of immense and total grief has not only helped the girls in recovery that you help, but you have no idea the ripple effect your story has made around the world.

You have given so many people the power and perseverance to move forward to walk in victory in spite of devastating circumstances. I love you for that. I love you for being mom and for never, ever giving up on me. Even when I made mistakes you loved me unconditionally. You molded me into the man I was. You taught me how to love, and boy, how I loved! I loved so big, so full, with my whole heart. This was because of you and what you taught me.

Mom, when I went to heaven, I know I left a huge hole in your heart that will never be filled on this side of glory. I’m so sorry for that. But Mom, what I am grateful for is how you have chosen to persevere and push through. Not just for our family, friends, loved ones, but for all the people that you don’t know who you have affected. All the mothers and fathers that didn’t want to go on. Mom, they did, because of YOU. Instead of staying in bed stricken with grief you decided to start this event in my name.

That first-year mom… Wow. Everyone was there! All my friends, all the family, strangers that turned into friends, people I haven’t seen in years. People that I love. They were all there. Mom, I know they loved me, but I need to tell you, they were really there – for you. They showed up, donated, assisted with things, made teams, smiled, laughed, and told stories for YOU. Because they love you like I love you; huge, with a tremendous heart, and with reckless abandon. They came because they were proud of you. They came because they believed that the power of love, the power of God is stronger than death.

As you embark on your seventh annual JoJo Race, I want you to know how proud I am of you. I want you to know I am standing by your side every moment of every day. I want you to know the success you have had is due to your hard work and dedication. I know it will be tougher this year with both me and Dad watching and rooting you on from skybox. But we’ll be there in spirit as I always have.

Mom, Thank you for doing this for me, Thank you for doing this for you, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep loving people. But most importantly keep loving yourself. I miss you mom. Hugs to my niece, Lily Grace, and spoil that little girl rotten. Just like I would have. Tell Tony and Mikey I love them. I’m always with you, always beside you. I love you mom, so much.

Love, JoJo

After reading this letter there is no question in my mind that it was inspired by the Holy Spirit. They are JoJo’s words! I cried tears of gratitude for these words of encouragement and recognition of my efforts in creating and maintaining the Adult and Teen Challenge 5K in his name.  We changed the season – no longer spring, but fall. Just like God, “He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings…” (2:21).

Many of us have had our loved ones “removed” from earth. My son JoJo was born and died in this season, which makes this 7th 5k even more significant. I can hear JoJo saying, “Okay, everyone! You need to stop, listen, and pay attention to my mom. I need you now. I dedicated my life to building relationships and making connections. Isn’t this what the 5K is all about as well? I used to tell mom: Tell your friend (God) I need him. Well, I am with him now and I can tell him myself. Let’s connect through this 5k!”

I urge you to run for JoJo. Run for those you’ve lost. Run for all those past, present and future.  Help me to continue to make my son proud, as you continue to make your loved ones proud as well. I know they are watching along with JoJo. We have a cheering committee in Heaven. Believe in the power of love. The power of God. Raise your voices, garner donations, make connections and walk or run in the name of love. How do we measure a year? With Seasons of love.

Sincerely,

Deborah Manzo McDonald

Mom of Jo-Jo

Director, Adult and Teen Challenge, Rhode Island

___

Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

She is Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  //gracepointegrief.com/

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